Forty years ago today, I made my arrival into the world.
Little did the world know that nearly 40 years later, that little darling baby girl would write about post about gonorrhea tonsils and see it get Freshly Pressed.
Did the delivery doctor have an inkling? Say when he cut the umbilical cord, that one day that red, slimy, mutant-looking screaming thing would craft a post that not only combined a fear of potatoes with STD-infected tonsils, but would also be able to insert the words “27 vaginas?”
Probably not. That’s kind of a weird thing to think about a baby.
Still this was a nice early present from the WordPress staff.
I promise my new readers that I write about other things besides venereal diseases although tomorrow’s post will make it seem like I just lied.
In fact, I just checked my search engine terms and am intrigued by this idea: chuck e cheese birther.
That seems about right.
Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the fifteenth post. Halfway there. Lord help us all.
Congrats on your birthday and on being Freshly Pressed. Who knew a potato would intrigue the powers that be? Hope you have a lovely day. You could always head over to chuck e cheese for one of their famous birthers.
It seems like an odd addition to the Freshly Pressed canon. I think it really was the 27 vaginas that did it.
Flappy Birthday oh pressed one – may all your juices run clear!
Thank you, I think.
Happy birthday, Speaker!!!
You have no idea how much it thrills me to see that particular post get Freshly Pressed.
And look at you with your Daily Post Feature of Chipmunkidness. I am so very excited for you and eager to read it once I stop responding to comments using the words gonorrhea tonsils.
Happy Birthday! I remember that gonorrhea tonsil post. I almost peed in my pants looking at it — the images were funny as hell! Enjoy your day…
Thank you. Incontinence is a sign of gonorrhea tonsils, fyi.
Happy Birthday Speaker7 — and congrats on being Freshly Pressed. I think perhaps the judges have gone hog wild over there — they used to only FP stuff about Mom, Apple Pie and travel. Well done, Word Press, joining the 21st Century. (That is the one we’re in, isn’t it? I get so confused)
Maybe gonorrhea tonsils are the new apple pies? I think we are in the 23rd half of the 22 nd century?
Happy, happy birthday, Speaker7! May all your Facebook wall posts today be more original than that.
WordPress makes dreams come true.
No, they’re mostly that. No Lordy…lordy..look who’s ??? yet because I will punch facebook right in its facebook.
Congrats! And happy birthday!
Thanks Nicole!
I was freshly pressed a few weeks ago. Exciting ain’t it? Congrats!
It’s exciting and a little depressing because I will not see these numbers again for a long, long time.
LOL..very true!
We should form a support group.
LOL we should..It’s a bittersweet experience for sure!
Congrats and happy birthday! You should be quite pleased with yourself; not everyone can write about potatoes, STDs and vaginas as eloquently as you.
It’s a gift. A gift that people would exchange immediately upon receiving, but a gift nonetheless.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Thanks so much. Today feels no differently than yesterday. I feel old and tired. I thought I would feel older and more tired.
There’s always tonight to feel older and more tired – don’t give up.
You have inspired me!
Yay! And Happy Birthday Speaker 7!
Danke! Today I become Speaker8…no, wait, I don’t think it works that way. I’ll have to consult the manual.
Happy Birthday! I always feel like a fine-blog coneseour (who can’t spell and hopes you know what I mean) when some of my favorite blogs get Freshly Pressed after I read them
I can’t spell either and I’m upset that the autocorrect thingy seems to have gone away. By the way coneseour is spelled conniessssuuerr for future reference.
wow, that’s a lot of S’s. THanks for the correction. Auto-correct wasn’t gone per-se, but it couldn’t figure out that I was trying to use a non-English word.
It’s gone for me. I wonder what I did to upset it. Maybe it fears potatoes?
lol…or venereal diseases that infect your tonsils.
Happy birthday!!
To me! I was just finishing the song. You were singing, right?
Absolutely!! My coworkers are looking at me like I’m an idiot, but I don’t care so long as you know I sung just for you.
That is a nice birthday present. Well, congratulations. Totally deserved.
It’s definitely nicer than inflamed tonsils.
Happy birthday! I was so excited to you on FP this morning!
And for such an amazing health topic too!
Happy birthday! Wow, if you can get pressed for gonorrhea tonsils, maybe there is hope for my blog with sexy pony slut pics. Congrats again.
I want to see a post with sexy pony slut pics. That sounds beautiful. And very fresh-pressable.
Well, well Speaker7, Freshly Pressed and your birthday? Put on those sassy pants and shake it. Congrats and Happy Birthday!
I’m afraid if I do that, the neighbors will complain again.
You are a force to be reckoned with. Congratulations on entering your 40s and on being Freshly Pressed.
Are you saying I’m like a tonsil inflamed with gonorrhea? Because, that my friend, is the highest compliment.
Nice! It was an awesome post. Congrats on that and Happy Birthday!
I was very surprised to get the wordpress email. I think it might be the first time Freshly Pressed featured a picture of a potato using the f-word.
Happy Birthday, Speaker7! And congrats on that Freshly Pressed thing, though I tend to think all of your posts are fresh and press-able.
That is very sweet. Especially since I write a lot about turds and butt plugs.
Happy happy all around!
Thank you. It’s been a decent birthday. I have not engorged on cake although there are a few hours left so anything is possible.
Congratulations and happy birthday!
Thank you. It was a sweet gift from WordPress.
Happy Birthday – I’m so glad that your gonorrhea tonsils have been shared with the world!
It makes sense. They are pretty contagious.
Happy birthday, Speaker7! I agree that those would be strange things to say about a baby. Can’t way to hear your thoughts on Chuck E Cheese birthers.
It will be full of skee ball and bad pizza.
Have a wonderful birthday!!!
Last year I celebrated by getting a haircut. Today? Well the world is my oyster or I’m going to watch TV, try not to eat an entire hunk of cheese and go to bed.
Maybe next year you can write about kumquats. Happy Birthday!
Hm….interesting idea. Kumquats somewhat resemble tonsils.
For an explanation of chuck e cheese birther, see Tuesday’s episode of The Daily Show. And congratulations!
Okay….now that will make more sense.
Happy Birthday and Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!! Your parents must be so proud. Just as Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had no idea that baby Albert would grow up to be one of history’s greatest minds, Mr. and Mrs. Speaker7 could not possibly have predicted the phenomenal genius of their spawn. Even with the STDs.
Leave it to you to be able to compare a blogger who writes about STDs to Albert Einstein. That is some kind of genius right there.
Happy Birthday! I have often wondered what the doctor thought when he first saw me. Probably, “At least with a kid this homely, she won’t be obsessed with her looks.” Ha ha on him.
Aw! All babies look like smushed-in aliens at first glance
Happy Birthday and congrats on being FP’d. And yes, I know this comment probably sounds like all the others so no worries about responding. Just wanted to say the FP is well-deserved!
That is mighty kind of you to say. I don’t know why I’m sounding like I should be starring in a Western.
Well, shoot Ma’am, it don’t hardly matter. You should talk anyway you please, I reckon.
Your gonorrhea tonsils post was yet another inspired slice of speaker 7 lunacy, and I’m thrilled that WP would FP a post with edgy wit. It’s great when writing that’s not generic and bland gets such a well deserved shout out — and it’s even great-er that it happened the week you hit four-oh. I hope it’s the start of more recognition of your wonderful way with words and an indication that your forties are going to be more fab than flab. Happy b-day buddy!
I really thought it would be more flab…a lot more flab, but it’s been a pretty sweet start and my pants still fit.
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Happy Birthday! The fact that you were FP’ed for gonorrhea tonsils on you 40th has given me a new life goal. I hope this is an auspicious start to the next decade; STD’s aside.
Is your goal to get gonorrhea tonsils or write a post of equal weirdness that gets FP’d? I really think this is the year of gonorrhea tonsils.
I’ll leave it open for the universe to interpret. I think flexibility is key in reaching your goals. But I have to ask, speaker, where does one go from here?
Gonorrhea butt plugs?
“Gonorrhea butt plugs?”
Mercy!!
OK, I figure at this rate, considering how many of my WP buddies are getting Pressed, I should get one somewhere in 2018…provided there are no cobwebs in any of my 27 vaginas. Congrats on the FP. (Clearly, I have a lot of catch-up reading to do….)
It will come, I guarantee it. And there will be no cobwebs in the vaginas. WordPress seems to gravitate toward interesting titles and you are welcome to use that cobweb line.
I somehow missed this one. Happy Birthday S7. You are catching up to me!
Thanks Wendy,
I might have trouble catching up because my knees hurt when I run and actually, I don’t run so my knees hurt when I try to propel myself off the couch.
Hahaha….I hear you. Wait until you hit menopause. You may want to propel yourself from a bridge instead. :-p
Happy birthday!! Hope your cake was uber delicious!
It was uber delicious and I had uber much. I don’t know what uber means, but I hope I used it correctly.
Eh, pretty much the right way
(I think it’s a german word that means “a lot”)
That post got Freshly Pressed? You are my new hero.
I was very surprised to say the least since the post mentioned gonorrhea and vaginas.
Happy Birthday!! May your tonsils (or tonsil area since yours have been removed…?) forever be free of venereal diseases.
That is a beautiful sentiment and should be put into a Hallmark card. I still have my tonsils. They will be gone right before Christmas.
On the second day of Christmas my surgeon took from me…two decrepit tonsils….and a butt plug in a pear tree!