Seven people found my blog yesterday using those search terms: do not fear potatoes.
Do people really fear potatoes? According to some random seach engine question and answer thingy, there’s not even a word for potato phobia.
The second most asked question about potato fear was this:
I didn’t realize I wrote much about potatoes, and I have no idea how entering those terms would lead a person to my blog. But since you’re here, I want you to know this–
Potatoes make good detectives . . . because they always have their eyes peeled.
*swish*
Oh–and you shouldn’t fear them. Feel better?
Well you may want to fear that one. That one is definitely not sweet.
I’m hoping now that I’ve mentioned “do not fear potatoes” a number of times, this blog will appear higher in the results for that extremely popular search.
This is why I’m now also mentioning my second most popular search terms from yesterday: gonorrhea tonsils.
This is actually a thing, I am horrified to have found out. It is contracted by putting your mouth on something that has gonorrhea.
Like a potato? you wonder, your fear of them beginning to resurface.
No, probably not. Really, you do not need to fear potatoes.
Only in this instance:
While I may not be an expert in this particular area, my advice to you is to refrain from putting your mouth on something soaked with gonorrhea.
Most of my other search terms had to do with Fifty Shades of Grey. There was one that stuck out from the pack.
I believe this is the title of a new rom-com starring Katherine Heigl. I cannot wait to see it. I think Gerard Butler plays one of the vaginas.
If you search for 27 types of vagina, my blog comes up pretty high in the results as does an article about 8 types of vagina from a man’s perspective, which I would only recommend reading if you contracted tonsil gonorrhea from potato salad. You’re already feeling pretty bad at that point.
Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the thirteenth post. She does not fear potatoes, but does fear gonorrhea tonsils.
Oh, you get all the good search terms. This is my most interesting one: “”sex talk” whatcha thinkin whatcha drinking? hey baby” Now given that I don’t write about sex or talk and only occasionally about sex. I think Google has some ‘splainin’ to do.
I am completely jealous of your search terms especially since I want to know whatcha thinkin whatcha drinking? Hey baby.
Isn’t that an amazing search term? It is possibly the only interesting one I’ve ever had and I come up #1 on Google. I have made it. Somewhere. (This is the post that comes up: http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/10/16/what-cha-been-doin/) Go figure!
But I do not fear potatoes. I am Irish. They fear me.
I am so jealous of BOTH of you… my search terms are not nearly as interesting. I need to be writing more interesting stuff I guess haha xo
My favorite new one from yesterday – “sex painy porn”. Also “crack whore opened”. Sadly, with 50 Shades, Google probably doesn’t have to explain. This is a brilliant idea – you could get the rest of the month’s posts with these.
I know. I get so many about vaginal balls, butt plugs, what did christian mean when he says he likes to hurt brown-hair girls, etc. The list is endless. And nearly as imcomprensilbe as the books.
And I thought my search terms were bad. You win. All I get are things like ‘sex in the bathroom with Kenny Chesney’.
By the way, I think this post a day thing you’re doing is your true calling. Do it all the time.
I’m going to search for ‘sex in the bathroom with Kenny Chesney’ so I can read the post you wrote about that topic.
And I’m ignoring your comment about posting a day forever.
well Shut the front door! Congrats on the FP, Speaker!!
I was mightily surprised. Gonorrhea tonsils. Who knew?
I know. Of all things! It’s perfect though.
My best search term is “Kelly Ripa having sex with Michael Strahan” – except I DID write about that. Boring.
I did have to look up Michael Strahan because I have no knowledge of the outside world, but that sounds like a pretty good post. And I guess something people are interested in since they are searching for it.
I’m glad to know I can go back to eating potato salad, since I don’t have tonsils, I can’t catch anything.
PS Is Potato Salad being used as a euphemism?
I don’t know if there is such a thing as gonorrhea tongue and I’m not going to search for it because my internet history is horrifying enough.
You could be right about the euphemism thing.
You’ve got to be proud- it’s almost like you have a potato, gonorrhea and vagina brand. Le Clown would be proud.
I get a lot of hits for ‘glory hole’ – it’s a keeper.
It is all about the brand, isn’t it. There must be some way to combine all three and then I will become a multi-millionaire blogging machine. I am envious of your glory hole hits.
As well you should be… Thailand – I get a lot of hits from Thailand
great post but still groaning at the potato jokes peeled indeed
I stole that from the Internetz.
Four hits for the tonsils? Nice!
It is pretty sweet. I might ask my tonsil doctor about gonorrhea tonsils at my next appointment for a possible future post about asking your doctor uncomfortable questions.
Do you have a new tonsil doctor? I hope.
I wish my search terms were as cool as yours.
Write about butt plugs at great length and watch the magic happen.
Hmmm….I’d have to do some research first…
Two different people found my blog through a search for “spanking Sarah Palin.”
A) Don’t search for that.
B) Uh, me? Google, you think I’M the resource for Kinky Palin fetishists?
That is awesome. I really want to search for it. Resisting…resisting.
How could someone possibly fear potatoes?? My only fear associated with potatoes is the fear of not having ENOUGH potatoes. That’s a very real and legitimate fear. 27 types of vagina really does sound like it should be a dreadful Katherine Heigl film. I will await its release this spring.
I share your fear. A world without potato chips makes me cry. I will be engorging on a bag when I watch 27 Vaginas on DVD.
Generally I get sicko people searching for information related to seeing their son’s penis. I did, indeed, write about accidentally walking in on my son and seeing his penis. He locks his door now. My best search term ever, though, is “chris hayes shirtless.” I’m very pleased with that one. Oh, and I fear potatoes, but I fear so many things that it’s expected that potatoes could freak me out.
I will try not to write about my son’s nakedness to avoid that. I can’t say the same about Hugo, although he doesn’t have a lower half so I guess that wouldn’t be a problem.
This post was so funny, I actually laughed out loud.i second the idea that you post every day forever.our art least until I’m done with finals.
When will that be? The end of the week? I hope so because pretty soon you will be reading posts like “post.” And “…”
Wait, wait, wait. You can get gonorrhea on your tonsils? I have a few phone calls to make…
Make sure to not use a phone coated in gonorrhea.
Ah, search terms. Love ‘em. My recent include ‘garls love pising mut boys’ (?! Is this some slang I don’t understand? I’m a foreigner!)
I have not heard that saying, but I would like to know what it means so I can use it in daily conversation.
I just checked my search terms – my top one for the week is “sydney upside down by arkansas shutterbug” I’m puzzled.
Hmm. Seems pretty normal to me.
I did write a post last month about a nuthatch that was upside down – that’s it. No idea about sydney – I don’t even know a sydney.
Change your blog name to Attack of the Killer Potatoes.
Maybe you’ll up your blog hits!
That is some genius thinking right there.
“true jackson jackson and jimmy have sex” – which is disturbing.
I had to search that because it sounded intriguing because I’m obviously disturbed. It’s some Nickelodeon show…not the sex part, the True Jackson part.
NoMoPoTaTo
Where were you when I was trying to come up with a title for this post?
Hiding from the potatoes.
They’ve got eyes everywhere.
The most brilliant thing I’ve seen all day!
I would never have thought a post with “gonorrhea tonsils” would warrant the compliment of brilliant, but I thank you.
I was talking about the NoMoPoTaTo comment, but your post was pretty good nonetheless –
Fat Sister Farts. That’s mine.
Gerard Butler plays one of the vaginas. hahahahaha
Fat Sister Farts sounds like one of the minor characters in 27 Vaginas.
We could collaborate
My search terms are dreary compared to yours. In fact ‘dreary’ was one of the search terms along with anal annihilation, sterile coyote release and oceans of dollars.
Since ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ was a movie, perhaps ‘Attack of the Killer Potatoes’ can be the sequel.
I would be interested in learning about oceans of dollars. Where are they please?
You will be the second person to know.
P.S. They are in the ocean.
My search terms are weird, “what is count of fucking storks during sex,” “challenge accepted porn tube,” and “muscle men dolls sex.” Do I need to start worrying about my blog content?
No. I would say your content is just what it needs to be. Would you mind if I also wrote a post about muscle men dolls sex?
Be my guest. Although I think you might have kinda mentioned your cardboard muscle men in today’s post.
I’m in the middle of creating my own weird search terms post, but go ahead. I’m actually looking forward to see what you will …erm … do with a muscle men doll sex.
my favorite recent search term was “is barack obama going to get re-elected?”. There isn’t anything wrong with this search term, except that someone searched for it 3 days ago.
Maybe it was Mitt Romney doing the search, and it still hasn’t sunk in?
ha ha!
This made me LOL. There’s a rock somewhere missing a hermit.
I love this!! Cracked up the whole way through!!
Dang it, I have no weird search terms yet…
Here’s my advice. Write posts about potatoes and/or gonorrhea tonsils and see what happens
I will add it to my list and keep you updated
I am proud to say I have never feared potatoes. No, wait. I feared lumps in mashed potatoes as a kid. Terrified, actually.
But of course. Lumps are wrong, so wrong in potatoes.
Congratulations! I have a nice potatoes au gratin bubbling away in the oven even as I write! xoM
I am glad you are so composed and not the least bit frightened of your potato dish.
Well, it seems potatoes are sweet husband’s favorite food. Since I like having him around – A LOT! – I’ve learned to overcome fear of potatoes. Sigh…the sacrifices one makes for loved ones…xoM
This is the most hilarious and most bizarre article and worse yet comment thread I have ever read.
Nice work.
Thank you. It had been a dream of mine to have wordpress highlight my work in the field of gonorrhea tonsils.
I’m not sure what’s more hilarious – the post or the comments. So, equal belly laugh ratings for both. I’m pretty new to this and as yet unable to report on any mindboggling search terms … I feel all left out
This is my advice. Try a post about potato salad fear or gonorrhea tonsils, and I guarantee your search terms will perk up. Better yet, try a post on “potato salad gonorrhea.”
I do post quite a bit about food… so it’s only a matter of time. Wait… I did get a hit once for “Japanese square melons”. Does that count???
I’m now wondering… can tonsils catch syphilis… or athlete’s foot???
I think a good rule of thumb is to keep feet out of one’s mouth.
My top search is “Cock tese” for people looking at puppy pictures.
But the other day I received:
“give injection needle to my wife as a punshment”
Some people need serious help.
Yikes!
My 2 and 3 top searches are “Male torture” and “semen meringue”. What can I say…I attract weirdos.
This made me laugh out loud. Search terms just fascinate me! I doubt I will ever look at potato salad the same way again…
Or tonsils.
Wow! Just, wow.
Was it the gonorrhea tonsils that left you speechless?
Yes, yes, it was.
Then my work here is done.
I’ll just be over here then quietly crying in the corner.
Yay for FP!
My search terms this week are “Nobodys perfect clishe” and “im a passive aggressive husband.” Also “failed ua because i flushed toilet,” but I may have actually done that.
I feel like I’ve failed when I flush the toilet.
I feel like you’ve failed when you don’t.
This may be the deepest comment I have ever encountered.
I have a long-standing relationship with the potato, have blogged about it (The Sanctity of the Spud http://wp.me/p2bGLu-3w-) but don’t believe that I have been discovered via potato search. . .It is my belief that potatoes are intrinsically funny. Great to see the spud in its rightful place.
Also, ewww.
I am outraged that you have not been found via the potato search term. Your potato post brought a tear to my eye.
There are few things more satisfying than having a total stranger be outraged on one’s behalf. Unless it is a significant other. Then, it’s just frustrating. In your case, I am compelled to follow your blog.
Reblogged this on Gizmosdad's Blog and commented:
The War On Potatoes continues. This would quite illegal in Wyoming.
Thanks for the reblog! Wyoming seems scary.
Wyoming scary? Nah, well maybe on black ice in January in a snowstorm. We have funny (as in humoris) people here — both from Colorado.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, Speaker!! You’re so clever.
Is clever the right word? I think weird or deranged is probably better.
Whatever you say Speaker. I defer to you. Yeah, weird covers it all right.
That potato picture is hilarious.
Potatoes are just naturally funny-looking.
Especially when they swear.
This is possibly one of the funniest posts i’ve read. I can’t stop giggling at the potato. Great work and thanks for sharing!!
Thank you. It may be the first time wordpress has featured a freshly pressed post on potatoes that also happened to include gonorrhea tonsils. Does it feel like history is being made? Probably not since history deals with big timey things like war and stuff.
You could say that wordpress history is being made. That way you’re not competing with the big timey things, and you seem more humble, yet still worthy. Does that seem like a good compromise?
Oh, and this post was awesome. And the comments were awesome. Not only do you make people laugh, you make them interact too. So well done, you. *applause*
Congratulations!!! Is this your first time? Or did you get one for every single 50 Shades post?
Surprisingly no I did not get Freshly Pressed for my posts about butt plugs. It seems like a travesty, yes? And a post that does not include Hugo! That is an outrage. Let’s take the streets!
goddam WP. If I can’t have Hugo, I don’t want nobody baby.
Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is freaking hilarious! But I think I might trump your potato….possibly. My favorite search term getting to my blog is: “Orphan the Toe”.
I am filled with envy.
Do NOT google image search gonorrhea tonsils. Do not.
Speaker, they’re saving the 50 Shades series for something bigger. I am sure of it.There is a whole bag of potatoes in my pantry and I am going to go roast those fuckers just in case. Congrats on the FP!
Good move. You can’t trust potatoes. By all means don’t fear them, but do not DO NOT trust them.
Thanks for the advice re: gonorrhea. That is noted
I felt it needed to be said. I’ve seen so many people put their mouths on gonorrhea-soaked items. It’s truly an epidemic.
Thanks – enjoyed a chuckle from your blog. Keep it up and congrats on being freshly pressed.
I could have gone my whole life without ever learning there is such a thing as gonorrhea tonsils, but I couldn’t have gone my whole night without the belly laugh that gave me. I’m glad I’m not the only one who enjoys the strange search terms that send people my way. For me it’s the public’s unending curiosity for bestiality. I use the F-word from time to time (ok, often, very often) and with donkey in my title…well, you can guess.
But see now you know to avoid gonorrhea-coated objects so you don’t get gonorrohea tonsils. It’s like I’m a one-woman PSA blog or something.
It’s always great fun to look at the search terms that bring people to my blog. Some of my favorites:
What is pexting (indeed! inquiring minds want to know)
Lions playing with humans (pervert!)
naked ecuador men (see previous)
turbo beaver denali
3rd world plane
photos of small wrecked planes (does someone collect them or something?)
But I don’t think I could have written a post as funny as you about any of this. Thanks for the laugh.
Please write a post about pexting. It sounds like something I should fear.
Except unlike you, I’m not funny! I nominate you to write about pexting. I shall await it presently!
I’ll never eat anything soaked in gonorrhea again!
I feel like I’ve changed your life for the better.
Seriously funny! My top search phrase: big momma’s
Must be Martin Lawrence fans.
Ha! This is the funniest thing I’ve read in so long. As a matter of fact, this morning I did fear my own potatoes (they were growing sprouts and I had no clue what was happening) and a long Facebook discussion was had over the safety (and fear) of my potatoes. Fantastic timing, though I do fear anything soaked in gonorrhea, potato or not, but I’m happy to report that my potatoes are only growing sprouts and nothing more.
I’m happy to hear that your potatoes have yet to head to the gonorrhea phase. Please do not make potato salad with them.
Have a happy gonorrhea-free birthday, Speaker7, and congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed! (It’s about time!)
Lol I love digging through my search terms <3 cute post
Sometimes it is fun to look through the search terms and sometimes I fear humanity.
I love potato salad!
The non-gonorrhea type I hope.
You are hilarious. I haven’t laughed at a post that hard in a while. I was trying to explain it to my husband who is in the other room but he couldn’t understand an effing thing I was saying. The funny thing was, I was JUST looking at my search terms. The most popular search terms for my site? pre-teen models. WTF? Now I feel like some weird porny site for wackjobs scouting for little pretty people. You have a new follower!
It is hard to explain potato fear and gonorrhea tonsils especially if you’re shouting from another room. Next time, hold his hand and look deeply into his eyes, and he will understand why this is such an important topic. Thanks for the follow!
I’ve had “photographs of prawns”……..make of that what you will! A truly unexpected and hilarious potato post, congrats on the Freshly Pressed!
I think I smell the next big Christmas calendar. Do they still make calendars and people give them as presents? I don’t know, but I would definitely buy one filled with pictures of prawns.
I love reading search terms. A few weeks after I started the blog, I kept noticing things like ‘the game delver’ and ‘delver the game’. Fearing I had treaded on someone else’s names I did some google fu of my own. Turned out it was a game simply called ‘Delver’.
I bought it and reviewed it immediately.
You should trademark your name and start charging Delver for using it. See–I am filled with amazing advice.
Why yes, yes you are. Thanks for the advice! haha
i didn’t know how strange “search terms” works could be until you post this. whoahaha, that’s funny! may be it simply compiles words that sounds effortlessly hilarious. and vagina, gonorrhea? i guess these topics are much more popular than we think….
I feel very sorry for the person who has to search “gonorrhea tonsils” because that person believes he has gonorrhea tonsils.
hahaha…me too! congrats for being FP!
keep the spirit of humour with you all the time…
Omg this was the best laugh I’ve had all month! Thank you so much. LOL!
You are very welcome. Hopefully when you laughed, nothing with gonorrhea flew into your mouth because that can lead to some serious issues.
I’m Irish. My relatives feared a life without potatoes, but I don’t fear them. I loathe them. Thanks for making me eat baked potatoes three times a week Mom. What’s next? Meat basted in gonorrhea? Candy with razor blades?
Congrats on the fresh press!
Mmmm…meat-basted in gonorrhea…. wait, what did I just write? I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.
Happy Birthday Speaker! BTW I can’t keep up with you now that you blog every day. At all. Or Jen. Or Alice. Can you please go back to being lazy, like me?
BTW, my husband and Chad Kroeger (of Nickelback) share your birthday.
I feel your pain. I can’t keep up with myself either. Every day, I’m like “Frack! I have to write another fracking post! Frack balls.”
I am honored to be in such good company…well except for Nickelback cuz that band blows frack.
Gosh, my most bizarre search term has been “world war ii celestial chart nude ed link.” I am positive that the words “celestial” and “nude” do not appear in my blog, much less “ii.” Congrats on getting freshly pressed and on evading the novel writing chore.
I’m claiming your search terms as my next band name. Please don’t sue me when my band becomes epically famous based on its awesome name.
Well that was interesting. I haven’t looked much at search terms to my blog. Nothing as amusing as gonorrhoea tonsils but I did have ’1400′s Sluts’ . That was the most interesting. I am not afraid of sluts or potatoes. The possessive ‘s’ worries me. I tried it on Google but couldn’t find me, I wonder how many pages it took.
Hm, 1400′s sluts…does that mean sluts who lived in the 1400s? Or is that the name of some person who owns 1400 sluts? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
I know I know – how’s a girl supposed to relax!!
Oh, so having gonorrhea tonsils isn’t normal? I’ll see my way out…
It’s not that it’s not normal…it’s just kind of itchy.
Mind-boggling … oh and I LOVE potatoes.
So you are clearly not in the fear potatoes category. That is good!
Perhaps we could push for ‘tater ‘fraider’ to enter the lexicon. Good stuff!
Oh my dear lord, that is good. I will create the online petition.
I get some crazy search terms in my blog too. In fact, someone(s) found my blog with, “naked japanse women waiting tables in bar .com,” yesterday AND today. There’s nothing naked in my posts, I assure you (sorry if this disappoints
). The internet is a wild frontier. But, go figure. LOL!
I think you should snatch up that domain name if it’s still available.
Ha!
Pingback: My Birthday Gift From WordPress | Speaker7
Yeeeeeeeeees! I just knew you were going to get Freshly Pressed soon. I just had a feeling. That, and my second highest search engine term Tuesday was Speaker7 Freshly Presses potatoes. Congratulations! But sorry about the gonorrhea.
Thank you my BBFF. You have a gift that should get you a Nebraska version of the Long Island Medium, but instead of speaking to dead people, you can let bloggers know when wordpress will press them.
I don’t even know what to say. So funny. I don’t think I wanted to know about gonorrhea tonsils. Now I do. I will focus on potatoes instead because, really, I am not afraid of them. I am very afraid of gonorrhea tonsils. Congrats on FP!
That is a smart move. It’s best just to never pay attention to gonorrhea tonsils. They thrive on negative attention.
I myself kinda experience gonorrhea tonsils..This is really true, I got it from a girl with several sex partners. It takes more a week to get healed.
Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Not the healed part, I’m glad that is the case, but the sickness part.
Haha–love it! Isn’t it funny, the search terms that lead people to your blog? It’s good b/c you attract more viewers and possibly followers, but if often you are left scratching your head wondering, “what the heck?!”, as in the case with the gonorrhea tonsils!
Congrats on being FP!
Right now “Donald Trump hair blowing” is topping the pack of search terms. I feel…nothing.
I hate when people use this but I think it is appropriate–BAHAHA! This post was smashinly brilliant!! I got quite a laugh, congrats on FP!
I like the BAHAHA. It’s much better than I HATE YOU DIE DIE DIE!! Not that anyone ever wrote that to me…yet.
hahaha let’s hope that doesn’t come!
This is brilliant. You made chuckle! That’s very random. I would like to see Gerad Butler play a vagina. Think it would be a hit in Hollywood.
I think Gerard Bulter would make an outstanding vagina.
Pingback: Not Normal: You Googled WHaaaat? « I Know I'm Not Normal Because…
Thank you for making me laugh. Great post!
You are welcome, but my main intent was the prevention of gonorrhea tonsils.
pretty interesting statistics and damn fun
Thanks…I wonder if there will soon be an abstinence-only dental program put in schools in the prevention of gonorrhea tonsils.
I would imagine if you brought it up to at a board of Ed meeting you would find someone to take on the cause
one of my favorites recently is “music video 90s woman sings in a castle with gnome”. i just don’t know what to do with that one. other winners include “visual feminizing curves butt” “paget brewster dressed” and “matthew gubler + “speaks too”"
Is there a music video of a castle-bound woman singing with a gnome? That sounds like the greatest music video ever made.
there is not. but now i want one.
I think that is the greatest injustice…to make us think there possibly could have been such a video by using those search terms and then to find out such a beautiful dream is just that…a beautiful dream.
the internet is such a tease, isn’t it?
also, i did my own weird search term post a while back (http://bluecastledreams.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/rex-buttons-peanut-boxcar-disoriented-submandibular-splendiferous-warehouse-inconceivable-2/). that was back in May. I feel like i might need to do another round, because i’ve been getting some weirdos (like the music video).
Jeez whiskers, how many comments did you get here?
Actually, when I read this headline on my twitter feed, I immediately thought of something Bill Bryson wrote about potatoes, which I now googled. Could possibly explain where the search comes from??? Awesome post, btw!
“Potatoes, the other great food crop,of the New World, present an almost equally intriguing batch of mysteries. Potatoes are from the nightshade family, which is of course notoriously toxic, and in their wild state the are full of poisonous glycoalkaloids — the same stuff, at lower doses, that puts the zip in caffeine and nicotine. Making any wild potatoes safe to eat required reducing the glycoalaloid content to between one-fifteenth and one-twentieth of its normal level. This raises a lot of questions, beginning most obviously with: How did they do it? And while they were doing it, how did they know they were doing it? How do you tell that the poison content has been reduced by, say 20 percent or 35 percent or some other intermediate figure? How do you assess progress in such a process? Above all, how did they know that the whole exercise was worth the effort and that they would get a safe and nutritious foodstuff in the end?”
Holy shit! I totally fear potatoes now.
Haha! The poison content must have been sorted out somewhere though, cause I haven’t heard of anyone dying of potato toxicity in recent years! Just stay way from the gonorrhea infested ones and you’ll be A-okay!
Good plan. I will avoid the ones with oozing sores.
I’m new to this so I don’t have any weird or demented search terms to report, but I have just had one of the best laughs ever! Keep rockin’, Seven. And congrats on being Freshly Pressed! You deserve it.
Thank you. Just wait….they will be coming.
Hahaha! Very weird, but funny. I love the interwebz…
The internetz is a very strange, gonorrhea-infested place.
Brilliant!
And poignant, yes?
alright, this is hilarious. how many fps is this now? 7? i’m waiting for you to hit lucky number 7. xoxoxo
This is the second. The first one was about my incredible smarter, more successful older brother. And now gonorrhea tonsils. I think I’ve hit the pinnacle of my writing.
hahahahaha! so funny! Maybe the reason I don’t really like potato is because sub-consciously I fear them…
We tend to dislike the things we actually fear. This is why I don’t like facial tattoos.
Reblogged this on coffee2words and commented:
PSA: The dangers of potatoes… You have been warned!
Thank you for sharing such an important message.
No! Thank you for sharing it in the first place!
I have to say, my weirdest search terms are:
1) Villains that dig
2) by terry cosmetics color holiday 2012
3) frowny vampire
Nowhere near as exciting as yours, but amusing all the same
I think a frowny vampire is interesting because I would imagine it would be hard to frown with the fangs.
You now realize I’m going have to go and search all those terms myself (instead of writing for NaNoWriMo).
This is why NaNoWriMo is No-No for me. There are too many things to research on the Internet.
This is brilliant ! are you actually serious about the search terms ? Needed a good laugh
Unfortunately yes.
Not unfortunate at all. . . . made for a great post and a “freshly pressed” feature
“Hikonyan sex” was my weirdest one. I also get a lot of people looking for AKB48 girls in lingerie…
(Btw, love the Fifty Shades reviews. What a crap book.)
I don’t know what either search term means, but I am intrigued. You should see the weirdness I have gotten in search termdom from my Fifty Shades recraps. People are sick.
Way to go. You fucking rock.
And happy birthday!
Thanks for the f-bombed accolades. I dig.
Congrats on the Freshly pressed! And happy birthday!
Thanks. There must be a way to combine the two sentiments like Freshly Birthday! or Happy Pressed!…
Great post I stumbled upon in Freshly Pressed. Quite Humorous
Freshly Pressed has many upturned roots and other obstacles that can cause tripping and stumbling. I’m glad you landed here.
Is there Stale Pressed? I wonder which posts show up there
I just want to let you know that potatoes are my greatest fear.
My absolute number one search term is “blue personality”. I really don’t know anything about blue personalities, but I feel like I should become a personality expert.
Some of my more random terms are things like:
anorexic vampire
calories in blood (I see a theme here)
twilight vs batman (Batman, by far)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (I’m not really sure what someone would be looking for where they simply type a ton of Zs into a search engine)
you are a great man (I always thought I was, but it’s nice to have it confirmed)
manga sex (At first, I thought I had no manga sex on my blog, but I was wrong)
I bet the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz was a cat. Do you write about anorexic vampires? Because I now want to read about them. Maybe you can do an anorexic version of Twilight?
Alas, just in a single post. But if I ever become patient enough to write a whole novel, I’m sure I can write one about anorexic vampires that would be better than Twilight. (Not that this would take much.)
Gone a couple days and a new FP piece! Congrats! =D Also, hilarious and well-deserved ^.^
I think my favorite search term was, “sexy ankles”. Not as good as yours – but apparently on the way there, hahaha
Sexy ankles are better than sexy cankles.
Haha! True story!
My own story: Someone Googling “grumpy is my name attitude is my game” and finding their way to my site.
I am extremely jealous of your search terms.
I’m not quite sure why you came up in the list of “Blogs I follow” when I have never read your blog before..however, I must say your entry was extremely entertaining
[I am new to wordpress so excuse my ignorance if there was a reason you came up in my reader] I may just have to read some more 
It’s just part of my plan for total world domination. No biggie.
Hahaha love your work
Amazing lol, as an IT geek I have to say it `s brilliant
As an IT geek, can you say whether the interwebz will cure the fear of potatoes?
The interwebz is a great place to educate people we can explain them why they shouldn`t be afraid of potatoes and why they should from gonorrhea.
Awesome! And grats on being FP’d!
It would have been even more amazing if you said “gratins” on being FP’d.
-gasp- Oh my god, how did I miss that?
Haha! Hilarious! Following you now. :=)
Thanks so much for the follow! Sorry about all the posts about STDs.
Potatoes will go down your throat and choke you up!
I did not realize that was the case. I guess I should quickly make a few edits to this post.
Amazing post.
http://alfpedia.wordpress.com/
http://letscriticize.wordpress.com/
http://alfjeremy.wordpress.com/
Thanks for stopping by.
Hey, I know you! Congrats on the FP. Gonorrhea tonsils? Can I have a side of fries with that instead of the potato salad?
Hey I know you too! Long time no see. Fries are way safer than potato salad. The frying kills all the gonorrhea.
Laugh… Now I know why I NUKE the Hell out of my Potatos… I have to KILL EM ALL!!!!
What I want to know is how STD can be attached to potato (or should I be afrade?)
You should really direct your fear at tonsils. Those are the things that can really pick up some gonorrhea. And you can’t microwave them.
Bizarre and hilarious- thank you!
Thank you although I can’t take credit for those amazing search terms. Some other bizarre individual deserves the credit.
Ok, so I don’t fear potatoes. But I do fear mashed potatoes. Do you really expect me to trust something of such a weird, gooey, mushy consistency? I think not. Who knows what’s going on in there.
So you’re thinking mashed is the perfect vehicle to hide the gonorrhea? You may be onto something.
Reblogged this on Tammy J Rizzo and commented:
I had briefly seen the Search Terms thingy on the Site Stats page, but I had no idea what it was good for. Now I know. Well, sort of. My search terms aren’t very interesting, yet, but then, I’m still fairly new at this blogging stuff.
Congratulations on the Freshly Pressed! I’m following, now!
Thanks for the reblog! Just wait, you will start seeing some strange search terms the longer your blog.
Quite refreshing. I am glad to have read this as I no longer will fear potatoes or gonna rhea tonsils, and for this i thank you!
No, no, no–you should fear gonorrhea tonsils or anything gonorrhea-related.
What a brilliant idea! I just started a blog…although I want mine to mainly focus on running, and I am trying to figure out how to get people to at least view my blog! Your search terms will certainly rack up the viewers, as is evident by the amount of comments! haha
There must be some way to connect running to the fear of potatoes to increase your viewership. Maybe a post about why you run and you can mention that you are not running away from potatoes even though some people fear potatoes?
haha true. This will take some creative thinking
. Potatoes are feared by some in terms of “adding Calories” to their diet. However, they are a great source of nutrition. But those are in scientific terms…and I may not get a huge following if I talk nerdy often! haha!
My funniest search term is “mulled bile content”. I am sufficiently disturbed.
Is mulled bile a little like mulled wine? But for people who are really, really bitter?
this is freakin’ hilarious!
And also informative, I hope.
Reblogged this on Narcissism – One Woman's True Story of Marriage to a Narcissist and commented:
Add your thoughts here… (optional)
You can save money on google words without trying
I’ve re-blogged this – thanks, Seven.
Thanks for the reblog! It speads the do-not-fear-potatoes-message.
“Electro Ejaculation in Sheep” – don’t ask because I don’t know…
But see now I want to know. I feel like I’ve been missing out on some great knowledge.
If you want to risk the Google Search then I’d love to hear all about it…
I stop reading blogs for two months and look what happens! I miss Freshly Pressed gonorrhea. I will never take my eyes off the internet again.