I may have mentioned in the past that I work with young children. I teach them about books and media literacy in this room called a library, a place that has been made obsolete by the Internetz.
I did a lesson today on the differences between fiction and nonfiction. I read two stories about ducks. One was about real mallard ducks and one was about a duck that wore underwear. Whenever I said underwear, the kids laughed uproariously as if it was Showtime at the Apollo. I killed it, people. I killed.
Underwear.
One little bugger decided the show needed to be about him. He rolled around on the floor like a flounder plucked from the water. He whimpered and whined and refused my entreaties to “act like a kindergartener”–my polite way of saying “get your fucking act together, dude.”
But all appeals to reason and logic went unheeded, and the lesson ended with the little “angel” running around, knocking over books and screaming.
In short, he sucked.
And he reminded me of somebody.
Two people actually.
I realize this kid has a bright future ahead of him as a political pundit and/or loudmouthed shit-spewer. He reminded me of money-bags consultant and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man stand-in Karl Rove who had a bit of his own meltdown on Fox News.
See Karl Rove had convinced a handful of gazillionaires to put their gazillions in Romney-supported ads to swing the election to Romney. And now he has to explain why he sucks. Two words: pork jowls.
The cutie patootie also reminded me of perennial bankruptcy-filer and perennial Turd of the Week™ Donald Trump.
Trump took to the twit-waves and tweeted moronic ramblings about revolution and bad combovers.
See his favorite candidate–his own fat Oompa-Loompa mug–didn’t win the write-in campaign of douchery. So Donald stuck his iPhone under his ass and expelled loudly onto it, producing such gems as:
“This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy.”
And
“I am completely irrelevant.”
Tantrum city, people.
The thing is, the five-year-old kind of has an excuse because he’s five and even then, he’s way too old to be having the kind of tantrum he exhibited in the library today.
Those other two? Well, they’re just terrible.
Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the eighth post. If you don’t like it, she will throw an epic tantrum.
You forgot about Mr Bill O’Reilly.
I missed Bill O’Reilly, but I must say I’m shocked to learn that he also had a tantrum. He seems so easy going.
Oh it was a show of shows … or a show of show-offs who lost their audience. boo hoo ….. good luck with your not writing fiction program!
It is awesome that the whole I-create-my-own-reality is not working for Karl anymore.
It’s trump’s own fault. If there had been a section of the ballot for “Chief Of Douchery” he would have gotten my vote.
Unless Giuliani’s name was there too.
Oh, and your post was all higgledy-piggledy.
*sits back with popcorn to enjoy epic tantrum*
There are a lot of names that could be added under the Chief of Douchery section. It could be its own party.
What the hell is wrong with them. They just look like idiots. Terrible, indeed.
Agreed. I thought I just left a comment, hm….
I found you in my spam. Weirdness. Usually spam comments say something like “i really liked your post?!. * Viagra is fun.! Will looks at blogs soon?” Your comments seem very much out of place there.
I’m so glad Donald Trump can’t take a good picture. It makes for endless entertainment,
With all his money (or his investors’ money, I’m not sure he actually has money), couldn’t he buy himself a new head of hair?
At least The Donald was finally man enough to admit to his own irrelevance. The rest of us have known about it for a long time.
I might have made up that tweet, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
OMG.. I had three people looking for it today. I was INSISTING that I had read it “somewhere”… LOL!
Are you a librarian? Cause I am…
Me toooo!
We rock.
Librarian Triplets powers activate!
We’re a credit to our profession….
In the form of …. of….
My power is cataloging!! Aw heck, no it ain’t.
Some people who have gazillions of dollars will do anything they can to keep it, doesn’t matter if it screws up the rest of the world. Very sad. And Donald is scary.
He’s scary and hairy.
So funny, and so many tantrums yesterday! I was seriously laughing out loud at pork jowls.
His pork jowls were especially jowly when he was sputtering about Ohio going for Obama. I thought they were going to fly off.
Looking at that picture of the Trumpster, I can’t see how anyone can take him seriously. Perhaps he finally looked in the mirror and saw what the rest of us see.
I’m thinking he sees George Clooney when he looks in the mirror because he’s out of his gourd.
I’m waiting for someone to take all of the wingnut tantrum rants and mix them into one epic YouTube video.
Underwear.
Ooh, someone did – it was on MSN yesterday, but it wouldn’t let me post it here. Must find it. Look for “sore losers”. Hahahaha.
Sounds awesome. Off to search now.
Donald Trump Underoos
I would like to see The Donald, Karl Rove and Bill O’Reilly all tied to chairs and forced to watch endless sessions of James Carville cackling.
I think that would actually be worse for them then physical torture.
Why does Donald Trump look like that? He has enough money to look like George Clooney. But instead he has orange skin, a comb-over and a reality show. Come on people!
I’m with Madame Weebles. Underwear.
Oh my golly, I just said the same thing in a comment to someone else. He could so look better, but I think he thinks he looks good. Or he’s batshit crazy.
Yeah. And Yeah.
My favourite part was how they all threatened to move to Canada. Completely forgetting that (according to them) we have the death panels here.
Well that’s because they’re really brilliant.
Libraries will be okay. I’m pretty sure the internet is just a fad. Like Beanie Babies.
I hope you’re right. So I should feel no worries that my nameplate at work has been changed to “Google.”
Oh, yeah, it was so great. As soon as some of us on facebook figured out Obama had been declared the winner, we went to the live online coverage at Fox News and watched them cry. It was the best entertainment all year. Rants about the electoral college being so unfair and how they were gonna get that poopyhead Obama if they had to manufacture another intern incident and impeach ‘em! I thought Rove and Co were going to actually implode on screen. Fun, fun, endless fun!
These guys would seriously like to go back to the days when only white male property owners could vote. Then they might actually win.
Certain members of the GOP could use your lesson on fiction and nonfiction.
I would be happy to read the underwear-clad duck story to the Republican members of the science committee.
brilliant post. that five year old has an exciting future ahead of him. or, just a future ahead of him. or, possibly, not even that. political pundits don’t need to know the difference between fiction and nonfiction, do they?
They make their own facts out of fiction. It’s a whole new genre.
Great post S7. You must make an AWESOME librarian.
I dewey better than anyone else. Get it? Because I don’t, so please explain my joke.
Dewey decimal system. I wasn’t high for EVERY class….
Ooph – how do you deal with kids like that? I Greece I turned to them and in a mean voice said, “Get. OUT!” and they left and cried. But I don’t think you can do that here… (Ok, I didn’t really make them cry – cause Greek kids are used to getting yelled at
)
It would feel empowering to be able to yell “Get! OUT!”
Yesterday after a student read a non-fiction book to the class about Namu the killer whale, I explained the non-fiction/fiction thing to them. Their jaws dropped open in awe and a hand shot up, “I read a non-fiction book once!!” Man, was he ever excited to tell me that. They found it hard to believe that a blue whale weighing more than 25 elephants wasn’t a fantastical story. Ah, books. Not obsolete QUITE yet. PS – Librarian. It’s on my short list of what I want to be when I grow up. Love it.
Being a librarian is awesome. I hope it lasts for a few more years. My 2 year old still prefers tangible books to ebooks so maybe there’s hope for the world or I could become his personal librarian.
You are a dichotomy of which I am greatly impressed. I am picturing the “Queen of the Recrapping”, recrapping duck books for children. The thing I find most amusing is that underwear (or the lack thereof) is prevalent in all.
I had never thought of recrapping duck books, but that’s something I can consider once my job is entirely obsolete.
I giggled when I read “underwear” in your post.
Also, what the FUCK is wrong with Donald Trump? I think you get to a certain point when you have so much money that you feel like you can act like a verbal terrorist whenever you want.
Underwear is funny. There’s no getting around it. I think Donald Trump isn’t real and it’s just a result of a collective bad acid trip. Somehow we’re all able to hallucinate him at the same time.
I’m still trying to figure out why the party of moral purity and family values has two of the most vile, multi-divorced creepy old men leading the charge? Donald Trump, Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck? These were the guys in college that no one wanted to have sex with and now they’ve found a way to make it appear (to some people) that they do in fact have penises.
Maybe that should be the new GOP slogan “We’re creepy and have penises. If you’re the same, join us!” Wait, I think that actually is the slogan.
I think Trump should become the quintessential bad guy wrestler. He loves negative attention, loves running his mouth, and I suspect he might look kind of cool in a bright colored unitard. He doesn’t even have to be athletic.
Word. Your comparison was impeccable.
I have always wondered how teachers cope with some of the little shit heads that come their way. I think I would be far too prone to violence. I’m sure the underlying narrative you have going on in that brain of yours helps you to get through the worst of it. You would need a bloody good sense of humour to do what you do. Much admiration to you my dear!
This is why the teachers’ room has a door with a lock so we can hide there on our lunch hours and commiserate.