Monthly Archives: August 2012

Fifty New Plot Twists (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 351-400)

Posted on August 31, 2012 by

I have dreams, gentle reader. My dream was to finish the literary anal fissure that is Fifty Shades Freed before my return to work on Tuesday. But alas, this dream is dead as so many have gone before it. Why did … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Illiterates

Posted on August 28, 2012 by

Only two more episodes left, Bachelor Pad 3 fans. Can I call you that? It seems like only yesterday 400 or so contestants were drinking and releasing fluids into the pool. And now only 10 contestants remain to imbibe and frolic in … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Fifty Shades Freed is Unreadable (pgs. 301-350)

Posted on August 27, 2012 by

For previous installments, click here.  Dear E.L. James: Ugh, this goddamned book. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to start with a vulgarity, but I just read the worst 50 pages of sentences  you clearly shite directly out of your bottom … Continue reading →

Posted in Hugo, humor, Recraps | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 84 Comments

Fifty Shades Procrastination (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 251-300)

Posted on August 25, 2012 by

Oh boy. So it’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve written a Fifty Shades Fuckadoodle recrap. Why is that? Oh right because this book is the literary equivalent of a raging hemorrhoid. And like a raging hemorrhoid, this book inflames … Continue reading →

Posted in Hugo, humor, Recraps | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Guest Appearance on Le Clown

Posted on August 23, 2012 by

I’m on Le Clown today. Oh, you don’t know Le Clown? Don’t tell him that. Just pretend you do and sign over your will to him. And then life will seem sweeter like a giant vat of high fructose corn … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Ass

Posted on August 22, 2012 by

Chris B. is feeling down, you guys. His Bachelor Pad besties have betrayed him. The woman he would alternately make out with or ignore has been voted off. His ex-partner Blakely has been saved and Chris hates her stupid face. He … Continue reading →

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Ibex Peen and Perfume: New York Travels

Posted on August 20, 2012 by

I actually left my home and laptop, and traveled to New York City this past weekend. It was weird. There was the outside and real people and very limited access to wireless networks so I could not check my wordpress … Continue reading →

Posted in Hugo, humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 68 Comments

A Pad of Deceit

Posted on August 16, 2012 by

There is some serious lying happening this week on the ol’ pad of bachelor. Ed can’t wrap his drunk brain around it. Host Chris Harrison interrupts the binge drinking with instructions to the remaining 14 love-seekers that they must fill … Continue reading →

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Read This and Then Go To Childhood Relived

Posted on August 15, 2012 by

Minimal flogging and butt pluggery in this book, but still a craptastic read. Check out my summary over at Childhood Relived.

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Well This is Embarrassing. . .

Posted on August 14, 2012 by

I nearly forgot today was my one-year blogging anniversary or as I like to call it blogginganniversary™. Please don’t tell my blog because it will be pissed. Oh, I guess it knows now. Sorry baby. Look, I’ll take you out to … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 82 Comments