Monthly Archives: July 2012

A Pad of Plugs

Posted on July 31, 2012 by

Very intense episode of Bachelor Pad 3 last night, people. Wait…what the bleep did I just write? I no longer know language thanks to my Fifty Shades recrapping so I apologize for any confusion I may have caused. I meant to write: … Continue reading →

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Fifty Shades Fried

Posted on July 30, 2012 by

If you’ve been following my saga of self-flagellation, you would know that I have reached the third book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. (If you have not been following and only clicked on this blog because you like … Continue reading →

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Fifty Shades Dumber (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 451-544)

Posted on July 28, 2012 by

This is it, gentle reader. The dark shade will be lifted and we can walk into the light together. Or at least go outside and stick a toe on a blade of grass and then run back inside and bathe … Continue reading →

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Fifty Mood Swings (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 401-450)

Posted on July 27, 2012 by

Ana calls Christian with the news of her promotion in the beginning of pages 401-450 of Fifty Shades Darker: Meet the Fockers. She worries that he pulled a few strings since he orchestrated the take over of the publishing company, but … Continue reading →

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Fifty Types of Butt Plugs (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 351-400)

Posted on July 25, 2012 by

We begin pages 351-400 of Fifty Shade Darker: Porky’s Revenge with author E.L. James’ favorite literary device–the email exchange. (To find out how we got to this incredible email exchange, start here) Ana and Christian email how much they want … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Rivals

Posted on July 24, 2012 by

I’m taking a momentary hiatus today from my Fifty Shades community service obligation to attend to an important issue. Don’t worry, gentle reader, I am almost certain Ana and Christian are happily poking things in their respective holes while I focus … Continue reading →

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Fifty Shocking Revelations!?! (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 301-350)

Posted on July 23, 2012 by

Holy cow! Lots of revelations in pages 301-350 of Fifty Shades Darker: Bride of Chucky. Crap! I just soiled my pants again. Third time since I started this post. That’s because the revelations are just sooooo revelatory. It’s just like … Continue reading →

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Fifty Pages of Emails (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 251-300)

Posted on July 21, 2012 by

Halfway there gentle reader. Halfway there. Would it be problematic to say Fifty Shades Darker: Honey I Blew Up the Kids (thanks Angie) ends at page 300? I think at this point we can guess that Christian Grey will fill up … Continue reading →

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Fifty Pages of A Lot of Nothing (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 201-250)

Posted on July 20, 2012 by

Christian Grey buys Anastasia Steele a Saab to replace the vandalized Audi. If you want to know how the Audi was vandalized or who the bleep are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, click here. They eat seafood chowder, drink beer … Continue reading →

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Mother, May I Sleep with Fifty Shades? (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 151-200)

Posted on July 19, 2012 by

Jeezus cripes, gentle reader. What can I say about pages 151-200 of Fifty Shades Darker: Freddy vs. Jason that could possibly be better than this: This is “art” inspired by Fifty Shades. I’m not sure if the green swirly stuff in the … Continue reading →

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