Writer’s Block is *insert word*

Writer’s block is soooooooo. . . um. . . green? No, that’s not it. Chalky? Viscous? No.

Let’s go with pfffffttttttttt.

jjkfljl’;jkjl?

So yes, I kind of have it, and it’s been something I’ve been trying to fix by taking a plunger to the head. But I am still clogged up with hair, toothpaste residue and foot odor cream. I have started many, many posts, and yup, they’re as finished as this sen–

Here are the top blog posts that failed to make it. Enjoy.

Lieberty University

Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney gave the commencement address at Liberty University, one of the greatest universities to teach that the Earth is a mere 6,000 years old.

Below is a transcript of his remarks:

To the graduates, the children are our future. Except the gay ones. Your college’s founder Jerry Falwell was a great man. I remember how great he looked when he said that teletubby was gay because it carried a purse. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a male teletubby and a female teletubby. How do you know which is which? Look at the genitals and accessories. Amen.

Continuing Failure

Ah…summer is just around the corner and now I know how I’m going to spend it. The local college just mailed out its continuing education course list. There are people jumping around in potato sacks on the back cover possibly portending a course on Brady Bunch triviaQ: How many times did Alice and Sam do it in the meat locker?

A-ha! I found the course that will help me transition to a new career:

Vintage Costume Jewelry.

Learn about its varied and bloodied history while contemplating the fact that you paid money to do so. Bedazzlers optional.

Donnie Deutsch for President

Donnie Deutsch is a professional ??? and carves out a few precious moments to share his wisdom on the Today show when it needs to fill seven minutes because the woman who has a cat that can beat box has canceled. Today Matt Lauer wants to know his thoughts on the death penalty particularly this situation involving a 9/11 widower who offered to speak out against the death penalty in the trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammed.

Donnie gave this thoughtful response:

“To me, you know, it’s easy to say, look everybody has a right to their opinion, and the death penalty or not the death penalty to me I thought it was an incredible insensitivity to the other families that lost family members that maybe didn’t feel that way. I don’t think it’s the place to grandstand. He is one of this very, very tragic group.”

Well said.

What the @#!@&! is Yahoo! Shine?

Sex survey! This was performed by a magazine in collaboration with Yahoo! Shine, “the leading site for women’s lifestyle content.”

Here are some of the findings:

- 94% of women say they have never heard of Yahoo! Shine.

About these ads

30 comments

  1. Lordy, Lordy, I know about unfinished blog posts. My latest one to gather dust on my desktop is about The Galactic Federation of Light, after a friend of mine met a being who declared herself to be one of them. Hey, we should trade unfinished posts and then finish each other’s.

      1. Do you want to write about the Galactic Federation of Light? If not, I can give you other brilliant, discarded topics. And you can give me anything because I am up to the challenge and I make no distinction betweem world events and bad hair days.

      2. Yes. I have no idea what that is so I’m sure I can write very knowledgeably about it. I have a crap draft of Things I wish I didn’t know that leads off with Octomom’s masturbation video. Should we just email each other our respective masterpieces?

  2. If it isn’t blogger’s block it is blogger’s busy bum. I either lack the idea, or I lack the time. When the stars and planets align, life is good. There is a solar eclipse this weekend. I take that as a sign of hope.
    I like the idea of finishing another blogger’s post. Dooo it!

    1. That is exactly right. I have a small window when my son falls asleep and when I fall asleep to write and sometimes that window is about 15 minutes since I also have the sleeping needs of a baby.

    1. Now that you have heard about it, it’s hard to keep away from it, am I right?
      Go there now and you can learn all about Quaker oats real medleys. It will completely fill your need for women’s lifestyle content.

  3. I have writers block all the time. And then I write something and people read it and they say, “Wow, I wish this guy had a little more writer’s block”. Then I know I’ve succeeded in taking away at least a few precious minutes of people’s lives.
    But this was fun, because I got five ideas to change into my ideas.c

  4. These were great fun — even unfinished. Uncut diamonds. Unpolished gold. Unfinished snark. Those things go together like a horse and carri- – -

  5. I’ve got two unfinished ones. One is an idea I had was based upon one of my facebook statuses. I wanted to combine the cats from My Cat From Hell and the moms from Toddlers and Tiaras and watch the mayhem ensue. I figured I could do a whole blog post about different reality TV combos. I got as far as The Real Housewives and Deadliest Catch and I got stuck. The other one is how I’m a book snob that won’t admit I enjoyed reading 50 Shades of Grey. I can’t get beyond that sentence.

  6. I would argue you aren’t blocked, you are just overwhelmed with ideas and too little time, and possibly A.D.D….or maybe that’s me. I have a list of several dozen ideas and no time to write any of them before new ideas invade my brain. Most of my ideas aren’t more than a sentence. Maybe I should try to string together a post of out them.

  7. I have no problem with coming up with blog post ideas but, yes, I can never finish them. I currently have drafts on the evolution of Strawberry Shortcake’s womanhood, Pee-wee Herman and a review of the 1950s book You Will Go to the Moon all sitting in the brain fridge with partially bites out of them, not to mention green fuzz.

    I loved this post. And not just because you referenced Alice and Sam doing it.

    What Writer’s Block?

  8. I have about 50+ unfinished blog post drafts…writer’s block is a mother.

    Writer’s Block IS a great excuse to poison your liver with alcohol. I high recommend it.

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