Monthly Archives: May 2012

This Post Will Make You Blush

Posted on May 30, 2012 by

People hate being embarrassed. I remember reading an article about choking in restaurants. It stated one of the main reasons people died is because they left the table to deal with the choking in the privacy of the restroom so … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Reason #34 Why I Will Never Visit Florida

Posted on May 28, 2012 by

Some questions remain about why a naked man on a Miami causeway tried to rip flesh off another man’s face, according to today’s Miami Herald. I’m not sure…could that headline be a little bit of an understatement? Maybe. One naked … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media | Tagged , , , , , , | 54 Comments

“It’s Been Fun”

Posted on May 25, 2012 by

This is a weekend for traveling. More than 5 billion Americans will jump into their cars and drive to some destination so they can watch a parade, wave a flag, buy an inflatable Angry Bird™ balloon manufactured in China, and … Continue reading →

Posted in humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Wife Swap: Klondike Bar Quandary

Posted on May 22, 2012 by

Editor’s note: The act of blogging follows a consistent path. There is the coming up of ideas; the writing of ideas; the hiding under the table while one weeps; the drinking of coffee laced with rum; the self-loathing followed by self-congratulating and … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media | Tagged , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Oh the Places You Won’t Go

Posted on May 19, 2012 by

May is the month of college commencements. In fact the local college’s commencement is tomorrow, and I have been trying like crazy to be tapped as this year’s keynote speaker. It makes sense since my name is Speaker7. The current … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, television | Tagged , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Dora the Annoyer

Posted on May 17, 2012 by

Six o’clock in the morning is really rough. It’s not the best feeling in the world to know every morning you will get up at 6 a.m. regardless of the time you fall asleep. This is the life of a … Continue reading →

Posted in humor | Tagged , , , , , | 32 Comments

Writer’s Block is *insert word*

Posted on May 16, 2012 by

Writer’s block is soooooooo. . . um. . . green? No, that’s not it. Chalky? Viscous? No. Let’s go with pfffffttttttttt. So yes, I kind of have it, and it’s been something I’ve been trying to fix by taking a … Continue reading →

Posted in humor | Tagged , , , , | 30 Comments

This Post Will Cost Me Followers

Posted on May 12, 2012 by

Holy Samoa! The Girl Scouts are teaming up with Nestle to create Girl Scout candy bars. This is the beginning of a journey that will ultimately end with me being extracted from my house by a forklift. The bars are … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

I Now Pronounce You. . . A Giant Turd

Posted on May 9, 2012 by

When I see gay couples, I can’t help but wonder: Why do you insist upon ruining my life by being in love? It’s really, really annoying. I want to be married so let me stay married. Don’t try to ruin it … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, Turd of the Week™ | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

How To Write the Greatest How-To Post

Posted on May 7, 2012 by

People want to know things. Simply typing “How to” into Google generates interesting queries like “How to make head cheese,” “How to last longer in bed” and “How to breed a rainbow dragon.” Interestingly no one has created the query … Continue reading →

Posted in humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments