TV “journalist” Geraldo Rivera recently said if you present yourself a certain way expect a certain reaction from people. I’m paraphrasing. Geraldo actually used the word “gangsta” and kept saying “gangsta,” really overemphasizing the “sta” of the “gangsta” to an extent that I stuck my hand into a food processor so I could concentrate on something else.
Geraldo, of the Yosemite-Sam style mustache, should know about the damaging effects of appearance. Whenever I see him, he reminds me of a silent movie villain who ties damsels in distress to railroad tracks.
It is uncertain whether Rivera has actually engaged in this behavior while twirling his scour-brush mustache, but he has been married five times, and these women couldn’t all have voluntarily agreed to it–some had to be under duress.
Whenever I hear him, I wish I could invent a time machine, and travel back to the time his parents met so I can break up their marriage with my serious gangsta-style seduction skillzz thereby preventing his birth.
It’s a conundrum. Does his Mario brothers’ mustache make me think he’s a narcissistic shithead or is it the shitty narcissistic things he says?
Then I think of Geraldo’s shitty, shitty words about the senseless murder of Trayvon Martin:
“People take you at what you look like” and “I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.”
The gun in Zimmerman’s hand was only slightly responsible…as was his racism.
So maybe it is Rivera’s 1970′s porn-star-style stache–the width of which makes the Monopoly’s Rich Uncle Pennybag’s stache look like the width of John Waters’–that makes me assume that he is a giant hairy turdball. I mean he does look like the great porn stars of the past like Saddam Hussein and Joseph Stalin (By the way, Joseph Stalin in Boinksheviks is a must-see).
Or maybe he is a giant turdball, as a matter of fact The Turd of the Week™.
Enjoy it gangsta stylz