Turd of the Week™

We are unveiling a new weekly segment here at speaker7.wordpress.com. I say “we” so if it fails miserably, I can blame it on one of my many interns and underlings who work for me–mainly my nearly 2-year-old son.

But how can it fail? It’s about everyone’s favorite topic–turds. Turds are essential for a living organism to function and for blog writing. When I wrote my first turd-related post about the turdish nature of Dr. Phil, my number of subscribers shot through the roof (source: Speaker7’s imagination). Little known fact: Sculptor Gutson Borglum used Dr. Phil’s head as a model when carving the faces of the United States’ presidents into Mount Rushmore because Dr. Phil’s head is close to the actual size of the sculpture give or take a few yards.

I will now take a few questions.

Speaker7, how can you possibly settle on only one turd a week when there are an abundance of turds featured daily on the Today show?

That’s a great question.

What do you mean by the word “turd”?

When someone is labeled a turd, it means he or she represents a piece of fecal matter.

Couldn’t that be construed as positive considering we need to evacuate our bowels to survive?

No.

When will this segment begin?

Right now. In fact I even have a logo:

I can’t say this was easy. There was a lot of turdish behavior committed by complete turds this week.  Marky Mark said that turdish thing about how he would have stopped the 9/11 terrorists if he had been on the plane. Newt Gingrich likely said something horrible about poor people or will during the presidential debate tonight in South Carolina. But the turd who stuck out the most, in my opinion, is U.S. Rep. Peter King.

The reason he stuck out the most is that I watched Matt Lauer interview him on the Today show today, and I remembered how much I cannot stand him. He has requested the Defense Department investigate whether the Obama administration leaked classified information about the raid on Osama bin Laden to two producers making a film because nothing else of import is occurring at the moment. He has no proof of this, which is why he asked for an investigation. I have no proof that Peter King eats live babies for breakfast, which is why I’m asking for an investigation.

But what I really enjoy most about King is his spot-on impression of Sen. Joseph McCarthy although Pete isn’t ferreting out communists, just Americans who happen to be Muslim. He plans to hold some more (!) investigations into American Muslims next month. Why? “It’s there and that’s where the threat is coming from at this time.”

Well turded, Pete, well turded.

About these ads

16 comments

  1. Turds! I feel like that prayer I said last night on a shooting star actually came true at this very moment.

    A great first award recipient indeed. He has really set the bar high, so I sort of feel sorry for you in having to next week find someone quite as worthy. I think the picture of Congressman King with the turd, I mean, award on his shoulder might have to be my desktop wallpaper for a while.

    1. You know you would think it would be hard to find a bigger turd, but it’s surprising the number of turds that exist particularly in politics. The hard part is picking the most outstanding turd of the week.

  2. The contenders for this award are overflowing. Good for you. Maybe you can have multiples in particularly busy weeks.

    Another reason to look forward to Fridays!

    1. It’s probably going to be a lot of..”here are the top three turd contenders.” Maybe I can have it be like American (Turd) Idol and have the public vote for their favs.

  3. I have to agree with Angie Z. on the note that that picture of King (great expression) with the turd on his shoulder is an all time classic. It definitely made my day.

    And true enough, you have a whole sea of turds to choose from. This will be tough, I’m sure. But there couldn’t be a better blogger for the job.

    Great segment, Speaker7! Pass the word along to your child labor force.

  4. Kinda pissed you TMd “Turd of the Week” because you are floating and swirling close to my beloved territory. But you do such a good job pointing out the plethora of turds that I will let it go just this once.
    Can I do Dick of the Week?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s