Ah TV, my old friend. We’ve had some good times especially when watching Good Times. I am cheered by your version of reality. I am invigorated by your infomercials. I am empowered by your mute button.
How can I possibly select the top 10 things you considerately displayed to me over the last 11 1/2 months? It seems like a fool’s journey or a….um….well if I watched less TV I could probably come up with another analogy.
Maybe it would be best to go with the 10 top TV shows I did not watch? Yes, let’s do that.
1. Two and a Half Men – This show uncovers the seedy underbelly of life on the vaudeville circuit for two ventriloquists and their life-size man puppet. Things took an ugly twist in the fall of this year, when the puppet veered off the wrong path and decided to head to Pleasure Island where all inhabitants are turned into jackasses. When the ventriloquists set out to rescue the puppet, they return with the wrong jackass, but the younger, dumber jackass is somehow inserted successfully into the show, and their show is somehow watched by millions of people.
1. Whitney – This show pretends to be a comedy, but is really a documentary of a paranoid delusional woman who believes everything she says is funny. Luckily, the male costar is just a figment of her imagination.
1. America’s Got Talent – Yes, yes it does–it’s just not featured on this show. But it could be out there somewhere and that’s what makes the American Dream live on.
1. CSI: Gantts Quarry – This series follows a crack crime scene investigation team based in Gantts Quarry, Ala., which has a population of 0. How is that possible? That’s why it needs a crack crime scene investigation to solve the mystery through DNA thinga-ma-stuff.
1. Kardashian Knightmare Kontinues – This series chronicles the KKK’s rise to power through fear and big asses. Thankfully, their influence appears to be waning.
1. Real Housewives of Gantts Quarry – This chronicles the real-life experiences of five housewives who live in a town of 0 people. It is riveting.
10. Nightly News – This sitcom sets itself apart by presenting entertainment as actual news. The actors do a phenomenal job of keeping a straight face while reporting the exploits of Lindsey Lohan as something someone should give two shits about. Bravo!
Speaker7 
How could you leave out “Ice Truckers of Gantts Quarry?”
I only listed the shows I have not seen. I’m a complete devotee of Ice Truckers of Gantts Quarry.
I remember seeing Two and a Half Talentless Hacks on a flight to LA. I thought it was a low-budget, made-for-the-airline bit. I was sad to learn that the show won awards. Come on, people! The most basic principle of learning is to not reinforce behavior you do not wish to see repeated. Don’t toss them that shiny milkbone! Bad dog, bad actors!
Maybe that’s how it’s popular? People are forced to watch it on airplanes?
I deeply resent Real Housewives being a part of your list! The ladies featured on these shows are so motivating! They are incredibly intelligent, well-mannered, driven, and sincere, as well as a very accurate portrayal of your average middle aged woman.
I read this comment and imagined you flipping over a table as you typed it to lend it that Real Housewives sophistication.
“Whitney” is TERRIBLE! No surprise there, I could tell it would suck before it even started.
And yet “Community” is put on indefinite hiatus.
Doesn’t “Big Asses” apply to pretty much everybody on TV?
Les
Good point.
How did you keep it to 10?
The mere fact that I watch everything else on TV. “Why am I still single?” “Bachelor Pad 2” “Cupcake Wars” “Ghosthunters,” the list goes on and depressingly on. That’s why I had to focus on what I don’t watch.
We will not perish through nuclear war, environmental mayhem, or space alien attack. Our demise will have something to do with Kardashians, although I don’t know the details.
I’m not sure either, but I would have to believe vomit plays a role.
I love the reviews! So many great shows I’m not watching either. And NBC New’s new slogan is amazing! “Not Too Douchey”, is it true, though? I hope you do another installment.
I think that profile pic of Brian Williams displays the perfect amount of douchery. It’s not too much or too little.
Nice job on the reviews — now I know I should keep not watching all the shows I’m currently not watching! And I can always count on Yahoo “News” and OMG to give me the latest breaking news (whether I want it or not, thanks to their informative stupidity scroll) on Lindsay Lohan and all the other stars I’m not following.
I want an informative stupidity scroll! How does one obtain one of these?
I love it! Outside of political satire, I believe you were made for writing Top Ten of 2011 lists. This is really just a stellar list of shows that I’d watch only if given the choice of watching them or sitting through a root canal performed by Rush Limbaugh overdosing on pain killers that he refuses to share with me.
I always call Two and a Half Men “Three and a Half Men” by mistake. I have no idea why. Unless I’m possibly psychic and somehow know they will one day rewrite Charlie back into the script. If so, that may be the best show of all time. Keep your fingers crossed.
Thank you. I imagine my Top 10 of 2011 lists will be sought after in 2034. That is how I will make my millions–that and pitching Three and a Half Men to the Rush Limbaugh network
I missed an episode of undisclosed NBC drama earlier this season and tried watching it on NBC’s app, but it kept buffering and everytime it got going again, it would skip back to a commercial for Whitney. I’d had no idea who the hell she was prior to those preview commercials, and I wish I still didn’t know. So irritating.
I watch a metric ton of TV, but very few new network shows. I end up watching a lot of the same stuff over and over–like re-runs of various incarnations of Law & Order and My So Called Life (which I’m watching right now even though I should be in bed).
I saw you watched Bachelor Pad 2. Me too. My condolences. That’s just time you can’t get back, eh?