Not only am I having trouble coming up with a status update on Facebook, but now I have to write a blog post or everyone will think this blog is about welcoming someone to wordpress and suggestions for a first post.
I have “friends” that quote other people like Mr. Belvedere (“What? It’s a graham cracker” — Mr. Belvedere) and put up pictures of roses and trains made up of typographical characters with sayings like keep this train moving unless you hate orphans, and these get so many comments while mine fall flat. I’ll post something like “That plastic surgery person on Real Housewives of Plastic Surgery is pffftt.” and the only person who responds is my mother saying “Why aren’t you watching your child?”
So my next status update better be great or gr8 if you are only used to reading text.
I have narrowed down possible status updates to 10. Here they are in no particular order:
10. LOL. FML
9. Herpes?!? Next time I’ll have it delivered! LMAO
8. Speaker7 is contemplating whether to have a grilled cheese on wheat or rye.
7. the scourge is upon us. every man for himself
6. OMG!! I just ate part of Justin Beiber’s face!! Squee!!
5. Speaker7 has tickled more of Elmo then Elmo would like
4. Speaker 7 just left for va-ca and now remembers she left the door unlocked at 27 Grant St.
3. Speaker 7 has discovered organic peanut butter and would now like to undiscover it
2. Speaker 7 would be submissive to Michele Bachman
1. Speaker 7 is quite the multi-tasker. She can breathe, have her heart beat and eliminate waste all at the same time.
Quinnipiac University will be conducting a poll of rural and urban NY residents to see which is the favorite. It will be conducted much in the same manner as its recent hydrofracking survey, which had questions like: Do you support hydrofracking or do you spend most of your time hating America?
The results will be posted post haste, FML.