Summer vacation is coming to an end today. To go out with a bang, I’m going to watch the full 4th hour of the Today show and blog as I watch. I understand there will be something about arm toning. It’s the kind of tone one’s arm gets from lifting multiple glasses of alcohol. I imagine there will be drinking on “Wino Wednesday.” I imagine I will not make it the full hour.
Here we go!
Winesday Wednesday – I was close. Today was the county fair at Today and it just looks like the saddest crap fair. My high school Oklahoma set looked more professional. Hoda and Kathie Lee and other Today people are on the plaza rolling giant bales of hay. It’s funny because this is what we commoners do at our common county fairs. Hoda and Kathie Lee win. “You don’t realize what we do each day,” says Kathie. That is true.
Hoda tells us that women don’t like to take compliments. Hoda herself hates people who say “thank you” after receiving compliments. You should say “f*** off” instead (I’m paraphrasing).
Hoda and Kathie Lee made news yesterday on the Huffington Post according to them. We go to a video from yesterday’s show where they are beatboxing. No mention of how this is news, and I’m left feeling perplexed and wanting to break dance.
They show a Prince Harry dancing video. He dives into pool that’s in a club.
This show makes me feel like I have ADD.
Up next: Photobombing. “Is this new?” Hoda asks. Phyllis Diller story from Kathie so I guess no. Photobomb is finally defined as poking your head into a picture, and the Biebs did it to Russell Brand and a crazy person.
We learn that Meg Farris(?) is with us and Bill Graham’s great-grandson and his mother/grandmother (she is not identified) who looks angry. Kathie Lee loves her some Billy Graham. She took him up to the guest suite and he asked for a Big Mac. We never know why these people are in the studio. It’s a great cliffhanger because they are never mentioned again.
Breaking news: Victoria Beckham photographed in flats. Kathie bombs a Photobomb joke (do you see what I did there? I don’t know either). Hoda likes heels.
New words are in the dictionary: social media, tweet, bromance, cougar, crowdsourcing, helicopter parents, boomerang child, fistbump, boink. Language is dead.
They wrap these things around their heads. The things look like door draft guards.
Back to compliment problems. Kathie Lee and Hoda are getting to the bottom of this with the help of a blogger and an author. I missed their names so I will call them Blogger and Author. Blogger says something. Kathie compliments Blogger’s cleavage. Now Blogger’s talking about how someone said she had great legs. “We all have that inner body bully,” says Author. “We don’t want people to think that we think we’re all that.” Hoda says she likes people who don’t think so much of themselves. Here is my compliment for this segment: It couldn’t possibly suck anymore than it already does.
What the what? segment - Pictures of “funny” things. There’s a sheep. Bwha-ha-ha-ha!!
Who knew? trivia “game” – Labor Day game with many questions that don’t focus on Labor Day. I’ve lost knowledge from this game.
How to transition your make up routine from summer to fall segment – This is something people are concerned about? The make up artist says “Hi lovers.” She seems drunk. She unironically uses the word “fierce.” Here’s what I learned: Bronzer is your friend.
Wine, wine, wine!!! Finally the drinking. They drink and eat and eat and drink. People talk while Kathie Lee and Hoda pour wine down their gullets. Another “nice cleavage” compliment from Kathie Lee. The woman says “thank you” and Hoda doesn’t criticize her. Progress.
Getting fit segment – arm toning. Shake weights! No, no shake weights. Yoga poses.
Going back to work no longer seems so dismal.